2 Men Walk Into A BarTwilight
by 2MenWalkIntoABar
Summary: Because the title says that 2 men walk into a bar and then has #twilight, it must have to do to something abut Twilight and/or walking into a bar...or does it?


2 Men Walked Into a Bar…

 _Today's top story, I am introducing you to Edward and Jacob. Edward is a fine young man, he is tall, pretty pasty, and a quiet soul. He comes from a big family with many brothers and sisters. He attends a smaller school, tried sports, but they weren't his thing. Now, Edward wasn't a normal boy, he has a secret that only his family knew about, he always knew when something was going to happen, a 6_ _th_ _sense. Jacob on the other hand is a tall, dark, and handsome boy. He attended the same school as Edward but they did not seem to get along. Jacob was more of the athletic type, he was fast! Jacob also seemed to have a special ability of speed. He had the ability to change into, a dog. Not just any dog… a puggle._

Two men, Edward and Jacob, walked into a bar…. Gosh! Who am I kidding, Edward and Jacob are underage and still in high school, they can't even get into a bar. So instead of the bar, they walked into Wal-Mart. It was a late day; October 7th, 2013 at exactly 9:01 pm. The store was quiet, but it was about to get loud.

One day Edward walked into Wal-Mart, on a mission to complete his shopping list. His mother gave him a list of things that she needed for dinner: eggs, ham, Scallop potatoes, an eye patch, Laxatives, and a bottle of ketchup. His mother was making some foreign pizza. Knowing what Edward needed to buy for his mother, he went straight to the chocolate section and filled his cart to the top. Mommas money was about to be spent. After grabbing a lot of chocolate, a case of beer, and a few things off his mother shopping list, he heads to the check out.

Jacob was on his way to Wal-Mart to pick a prescription for his handicap father. While waiting in the car, Jacobs father yelled to him, "Son, while you're in there, could you grab me a case of beer." Jacob, not being 21, didn't care. "Fuckin' A' Dad, I aint 21!" A strange look on his father's face yells back, "ITS BECAUSE I'M HANDICAP AIN'T IT!" Pissed and not ready to go into Wal-Mart, Jacob storms into Wal-Mart.

Jacob, pissed, marches over to the pharmacy. "FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!" The pharmacy closed at 9 o'clock. Storming away from the close Pharmacy, Jacob grabs a pop, a tub of ice cream, a bag of M&M's and a pack of smokes and starts heading to the check out. He receives a call from his father, "Do not for the love of all things Holy, forget my case of beer!" his father yells into the phone so everyone around Jacob can hear him. Walks back to the beer, and grabs the cheapest bear he can find. After being all around the store, Jacob heads to the front of the store to check out.

Incidentally, Jacob and Edward makes their way to the express check out. Coming up on the check-out, coming from different sides of the store, they spot each other. The stair down. Starring at each other, hands waiting by their pockets. Edward makes a move, reaches for his pocket, and pulls out a tic-tac. Flings it so fast, being shot right down Jacobs throat. "Minty" claims Edward.

Jacob, struggling to recover, gets the tic-tac down, "God damn it, Edward! What the fuck is your problem!?" "Well sooooorrry! I was just trying to be polite," claims Edward. "What are you doing here so late, Jacob?" Edward asks nicely. Jacob response," wouldn't you like to know?! Gonna go kill my pack while I'm gone? Fuck off Edward." "Well that is not a very nice way to talk to someone…" Edward looks away.

After coming up to the express lane, Edward and Jacob both lock eyes with the one and only, Bella. Bella, stood there, with her hair blowing in the wind, at the end of the check-out lane, waiting for someone to get be ready to get checked out. Jacob and Edward, lock eyes, both thinking the same thing, run as fast as they could to lane 1, Express check out. Pushing and shoving each other to get to be the first one in line. Bella sees them coming and gets ready to check someone out.

Pushing and shoving, Edward turns into a bat and starts flying to the lane, while Jacob turns into a dog and starts running for the express lane. Edward, being the first to the check-out lane, is the first one in line. Jacob, tailing behind, gets there after Edward. "I'm first, I'm first!" yells Edward. "First is the worst, second is the best," mocks Jacob.

"Hey Bella, haven't seen ya in a while, how ya doing? What's new? How's you mother? How's you father? How are your pets? I like that addition you added to you room!" Edward goes on and on about Bella and her house, family personal live, and medical records, blood type, and grades in school. "Hey Edward! So like what's up? I like really think you should totally come over to my house with me, like we could study! You should come over like right now!...Oh wait, I have to work. Ill like totally call you when I am free later!" Bella, her ditzy self, proceeds to check Edward out.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEEEEEP. " Edward, I have some bad news," exclaims Bella. Edward interruptus "YOU LOVE ME AND WANT TO MARRY ME!?" "No…. you have like more than 10 items in your cart. I can't check you out. Sorry. But call me!" Disappointed and frustrated, Edward walks away, with little tears in his eyes.

Jacobs turn. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. BBBBBEEEEEPPPPP. Blemp Blemp Blemp. "What's wrong, why did it go blemp blemp blemp? I have 10 items exactly; it should not have a problem?" Jacob pissed, worried, and anxious, is freaking out. "OHH! I see what the problem is! There are more than 10 cigarettes in that pack! Hahahaha! Sorry!" Bella laughs and goes out for her break! Jacob, sitting there with his jaw opened. Stood there when the lights of the Wal-Mart go off.


End file.
